Midsummer Nights

It’s a rare night at home that I don’t feel too tired to do anything other than watch TV to pass the time until I can go to bed. I’ve been trying to pick up hours at work to pay for all the things that I would like to do, what with an East Coast trip coming up soon, passports to renew, and car projects that I hope to accomplish. But hours are hard to come by right now and my agency is being pretty retarded, so I can’t rely on them either. I’m sure that things will pick up as fall approaches, but I’d like to get things handled now instead of in a few months.

 

A co-worked talked me into volunteering at the medical tent at a marathon in a few weeks. I’ve been wanting to do some medical related volunteer work, but I kind of thought that it would be international. It sounds like it’s going to be fun, even if it has me a bit nervous. I expect that most of the people at the medical tent will just need IV re-hydration and my IV skills aren’t the best. It’s probably a silly thing to be worried about, but I’d hate to embarrass myself. On the flip side, hopefully everyone will have great veins. We’re picking up the 8pm-Midnight shift, when all the stragglers come in, but my friend wants to go to the event at 8am so that we can walk around and hang out. Sounds like a full day, but hopefully a fulfilling one.

 

Lately I’ve been trying to start planning our trip to the East Coast. Finding a decent but not too expensive place to stay in Boston, renting a car to drive to Maine, figure out where to eat, etc. Should be a good trip, but with lots of travel.

 

Work has been filled with alcoholics lately. Last week I had an alcohol withdrawal patient who kept attempting to remove his Aspen collar. I was lucky enough to be his nurse and sitter. My last night at work I was lucky enough to admit a drunk who attempted to off himself by taking a bottle of Ambien. He was unsuccessful at killing himself, but did earn an ET tube. As for the Ambien, I think he’s going to need to take more because he was the opposite of sleepy. In fact he was still flailing around the bed on 10mg/hr of Ativan.

 

It’s patient’s like these that really try my patience. I know the reality of my work, that most people will never change and the differences I make on a daily basis are small. I decided to become a nurse because I was tired of doing jobs that I felt like were pointless. I know what I do can be important, but at times it’s hard to keep that in mind. I suspect that someday I will change specialties, but not in the near future. I like Critical Care for the most part. However I would like to participate in a medical volunteer mission, preferably non-religious. I can’t imagine how it must feel to take care of people that actually want your help. To do things that will have meaningful and a large impact on their lives.

 

It must feel sublime.

Pacific Rim

I’ve been meaning to write for weeks now and haven’t been able to muster up the courage. I wouldn’t actually say that I’ve done that now. I’d just say that I’ve made myself feel guilty enough to scribble something down to say that I’ve done it. This is what happens where I don’t want to face things going on in my life. Sure the thoughts course through my head but they are met with inaction.

 

One could describe my current life situation as sub-optimal.

 

I have reached a time in my life where the things I’ve wanted to do for a long time are finally within reach, and yet so far away. I want to reach out to grab them and I’m held back. It’s such agony. I don’t know how much longer I can keep up a holding pattern, especially with my incentive not to eroding away by the day.

 

I hate these moments of indecision in my life. When I know what I should probably do and I don’t. I’ve always been a masochist like that, hanging on until the bitter end.

 

Sigh… what a dreary and utterly stupid post.