Wish I Was Here

Today I was eating one of my cheat meals, struggling to savor every bite when I realized that life seems to be a lot like eating.

 

I like eating. A lot. I think about food quite a bit. I love planning meals. I love preparing meals. I get a lot of pleasure from cutting something precisely or cooking a piece of meat just right. But mostly I love eating it.

 

There’s something about eating a delicious bite that brings me joy. Like most people, I used to just shove more and more into my mouth. I always wanted more. But the problem with that strategy is that you’re always focusing on the next bite, and never savoring the one that you have. Before you know it, the meal is over and there won’t be another for quite some time.

 

Learning to savor every bite isn’t easy, and I’m not very good at it. Right now, focusing on the bite that I’m eating has had the unfortunate side effect of reminding me that soon this meal will be over, that my mouth will once again be empty. It will be hours until my next meal and the vast majority of my meals aren’t particularly good.

 

How does one savor an extraordinary meal without being acutely aware that it will be over soon?

 

And so it is with life. Extraordinary moments are fleeting. When I’m in them I’m always reminded that they will be over soon, and my life will return to it’s normal, mundane state. It is impossible to fully appreciate a moment with this thought hanging around in the back of your head. Right now, I have no idea how to get past this stumbling block.

 

For now, I simply close my eyes and chew, reminding myself that no matter what is to come that I am here, now, enjoying this delicious bite.