All posts by l00l

Pacific Rim

I’ve been meaning to write for weeks now and haven’t been able to muster up the courage. I wouldn’t actually say that I’ve done that now. I’d just say that I’ve made myself feel guilty enough to scribble something down to say that I’ve done it. This is what happens where I don’t want to face things going on in my life. Sure the thoughts course through my head but they are met with inaction.


One could describe my current life situation as sub-optimal.


I have reached a time in my life where the things I’ve wanted to do for a long time are finally within reach, and yet so far away. I want to reach out to grab them and I’m held back. It’s such agony. I don’t know how much longer I can keep up a holding pattern, especially with my incentive not to eroding away by the day.


I hate these moments of indecision in my life. When I know what I should probably do and I don’t. I’ve always been a masochist like that, hanging on until the bitter end.


Sigh… what a dreary and utterly stupid post.


The Great Move is complete and things are starting to settle in around these parts. Most of the important items are out of boxes but there’s still tons of work left to do around the new place. We moved quite a bit further out of town and my commute is much further, but I think it’s going to end up being a good think for all of us. The little monster is upset at leaving so many of her friends behind, but the world of a 14 year old girl is a tumultuous place of which I have little to no understanding of. I’m sure in a few weeks when she disappears off to cheer-leading camp she will come back with many new ones, whom will eventually all annoy this shit out of me.


Mursette is starting to settle in as well. I think this move was a bigger deal for her than she initially let on to. In addition to the move we had to hurriedly buy her a new car and she is preparing to start a new job. Clean slates all around except for ol’ Mursinary here. I’m still doing my thing, although the new place is closer to the capital, so I may expand my enterprises out there in the future.


Strangely the one member of the family that seems to be faring the best is the stupid obese cat. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him this happy, although he does still puke at random intervals.


The past two nights at work have been rather interesting for me. I took care of a co-worker. I’ve only taken care of two people in the past that I knew and one of those people was heavily sedated and had no idea. Still, it’s an all around awkward situation. I guess she chose to have me as her nurse, which is quite the compliment I suppose. She’s had a rough course of it, but I think that she’s finally on the way to getting better.


Still, it tends to put things into perspective when you take care of somebody you know. We tend to de-humanize our patients to a degree. I think it’s something most of us have to do in order to do our jobs effectively. I know that sounds terrible, but if I saw every person as a beautiful unique snowflake I don’t think I would last 6 more months. The truth is that many of our patient’s are at the lowest points in their lives. We see so many people who are suffering because of the choices they made and many of which have no intention of doing what it takes to get better and stay well. It’s frustrating to take care of so many people who don’t even care about themselves enough to make some changes in their lives, and one of the ways to cope is to emotionally distance yourself from them. Many ICU nurses have a sick sense of humor with just about nothing being sacred, and I love it that way. But it’s good every once in a while to remember what it is that we do and why.


Anyways, I’ll cease my ramblings for now. It’s probably time to explore with the Roku anyways.